The article "Teenagers Taking Risks" talks about family, it has been written by Carol Shepley.
It can be hard being a parent with a teen going through what I
term the 'I'm Invincible’ phase.
This is the phase when teens
start doing scary and dangreous things (according to us parents)
as a way of testing out their physical limits.
This is not surprising given that, at adolescence, teenagers are
effectively gvien a new body, one which has many improved
features from that of their childhood body. It's no good as
parents thinking we can tell them about the limits of that body;
just as a todlder needs to work out for themselves how to
balance to walk so a teen needs to work out for themselves how
to use their changed body.
Pushing themselves that little bit further each time is
necessary for the teen to notice what happens. They need to
make mistakes so that they can self-adjust.
They need to know
just how fast, agile and strong their body is so they can use it
appropriately in the futrue.
Not knowing their own limits is
potentially much more dangerous.
However some teens also use that phase to prove themselves. In
today’s competitive society, teens have been brought up to want
to be better than someone else at something. For some teens this
will be in the classroom, others on the sports field or through
the perforimng arts but for some teens none of these avenues are
available.
The only way they can prove themselves to be better is through
some daredevil type of physiacl activity, where they can show
they are braver, can bear more pain or can think up some more
elaborate plan. This is where these teens get their feelings of
success, their sense of achievement, their sense of self-worth.
The 'I'm Invincible' phase is a crucial learning phase; it's all
about taking risks and making jdugements about risk.
As parents,
it's hard for us to let our teens take risks, we naturally want
to prtoect them, but in attempting to protect them we are in
reality often holding them back.
Taking risks is a necessary part of adlut life; leaving one job
for another, starting a business, asking someone out on a date
all require a certain amount of risk. Although the risks in the
'I'm Invincible' phase are primarily based in the physical, they
give a good foundation for taking risks in the emotional and
cognitive relams in the future.
How to Handle the 'I'm Invincible' Phase If at
all possible, enrol your teen in a class or organisation where
they can test their limits in a relatively safe environment eg
sports, dance, scouts/guides, army/navy/air cadets.
For those that need to prove themselves, give them chores
that allow them to show off their new found physical strengths;
re-think the chores they do to see if there is some more suited
to their abilities.
Receiving success, achievement and a sense
of self-worth at home reduces the need to look for it elsewhere.
Use the lnaguage associated with 'I'm Invincible' to
acknowledge your teen in day-to-day life. Words such as courage,
brave, strong, determined, overcome, etc, can also be used to
motivate your teen.
Examine your own fears; are your fears based on objective,
rational information, or have they been exacerbated by other
peoples' stories or news reports.
Get the facts not the media
hype.
Explain your fears to your teen by expressing concern over
what others might do. If you express doubt in their abilities
you will just make them more determined to prove you wrong.
Eg
"I don't want you riding your bike late at night cause drivers
are more likely to have accidents then" is much more readily
received than "I don't want you riding your bike late at night
because you might have an accident".
Do not use evidence of their mistakes to do 'I told you so'.
Recognise mistakes as valauble learning, and then acknowledge
the learning as you would any other type of learning.
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